Friday, August 03, 2007
izzit my problem or the world's problem..think is my problem..nothing goes right if i am the one doing it..dun talk abt academic work..anything in life..be it being a friend to others..or walking along the street as passer-by A..or even trying hard to be a gd daughter at home..i succeeded none..im nt good at negotiations nor quarrels..im nt gd at expressing myself..im a failure in speaking for myself..total failure..i cant see my future..i wanted to request for freedom..in a neutral and acceptable way..i wan to grow up..negotiations never ever worked out for me..its juz like a tug-of-war..i tried my best at the start..but within a few sentences..i will fall back..and within the next few lines..my chance of winning will be left to 10%..and finally..defeated totally..falling into the deep muddy pool and a big scar left in the heart..no idea izzit generation gap or is simply the difference in thinking..people do change as they grow..but..how come my change cant be seen..i really wonder..
now going uni..juz now president of NTU Mr Su was speaking..his speech was not boring..it was enlightening..awakening..and indeed i see a bright future..but when he reached the word "freedom"..suddenly the sky turned dark and heavy rain poured on me..freedom..muahahaa..freedom..a time to set me thinking..is there really such thing call freedom on this earth..juz like a wall surrounding me..at first i thought..the steps are there so long i be good..indeed it was there..slowly..i thought i reached the top and can climb over the wall..but a few layers juz emerged and im blocked again..and this continues..and continues and continues..sometimes worse..the steps i took broke and i fall..painful..but i still hafta climb..in order to get wad i desire..now..im just too tired..living on seems no meaning..i need a counsellor before i really do something stupid..
so my dear..if something really happens..dun say u wont forgive me..coz i dun wan another person to hate me..if it really happens..let me go..i will watch over u..and find a better one for u..things are unpredictable..dunno wad to say le..too demoralised to continue..
_shan_7:58 PM